🌸 The New Men-o-Pause — What Our Mothers Never Told Us

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” — Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV)

Last week, I was at my routine dental appointment with my hygienist, Tinishia.

Now normally, having someone flossing and cleaning your teeth is not when you expect to have a deep conversation about womanhood. But somehow, in between the flossing, rinsing, and me trying to answer questions with dental instruments in my mouth, we started talking about menopause.

And I laughed.

Not because menopause is always funny.

But because sometimes when women finally start comparing notes, you realize that things you thought were happening only to you are apparently part of a club nobody told us we were joining.

Tinishia started sharing some of the symptoms she and her friends had experienced.

Night sweats.

Mood swings.

Changes in sex drive.

Feeling hot for absolutely no reasonable reason.

And, of course, the experience of sitting somewhere perfectly respectable—work, dinner, or even church—when suddenly your body decides:

This would be an excellent time to become a furnace.

One minute you are listening to the sermon.

The next minute you are wondering whether anyone would notice if you quietly removed three layers of clothing.

😂

I have been having more of these conversations with women “of a certain age,” and what surprises me is how many of us experienced things years earlier without realizing they could have been connected to perimenopause or menopause.

Some women started much earlier than they expected.

I did.

Looking back, there were nights when I had to change out of my pajamas twice because I had sweated through them.

Twice.

I did not think, Oh, this must be perimenopause.

I thought something along the lines of:

What in the world is wrong with me?

At another point, I remember feeling emotionally unlike myself and wondering whether I was experiencing some strange, very delayed postpartum-type change.

In hindsight, my body may have been beginning a transition that I did not yet have words for.

Nobody had really explained it to me.

And that is what I keep hearing from other women too.

One part of the conversation kept coming back to me:

Why did so many of us know so little about what could happen to our own bodies?

Some of our mothers told us about periods.

Pregnancy.

Having babies.

Maybe “the change.”

But for many of us, menopause was presented almost like a light switch.

Periods stop.

Menopause begins.

The end.

Except apparently there can be quite a bit happening in the hallway between those two rooms. 😂

Sleep can change.

Energy can change.

Our bodies can change.

Our moods may feel different.

Our temperature-control system can apparently resign without giving two weeks’ notice.

Our interest in intimacy may change.

Our hair, skin, concentration, weight, and even the way we feel in our own bodies can shift.

And because every woman experiences this season differently, it can be easy to wonder:

Is this menopause—or am I slowly turning into a sleep-deprived version of She-Hulk? 😂

But underneath the humor is something I think women need to hear.

Our changing bodies are not betraying us.

They are changing.

And change can be uncomfortable, confusing, frustrating, and sometimes deeply emotional.

There can even be grief in realizing that the body we knew so well for years suddenly feels unfamiliar.

But God is not unfamiliar with us.

The God who created us as little girls, walked with us through young adulthood, motherhood, careers, marriages, disappointments, celebrations, and everything in between is still with us in this season too.

Menopause does not make us less feminine.

Less beautiful.

Less useful.

Less desirable.

Less ourselves.

And it certainly does not make us less loved by God.

Maybe part of entering this season with grace is learning to become curious about our bodies instead of immediately criticizing them.

To ask questions.

To talk to our healthcare providers.

To keep track of what we are experiencing instead of assuming we are imagining it.

To ask the questions our mothers may not have known to ask.

To say to another woman, “Wait—you too?”

And sometimes simply to laugh.

Because there is something healing about discovering that the 2:00 a.m. pajama change, the forgotten word that was absolutely in your brain five seconds ago, or the sudden personal heat wave in the middle of Sabbath service may not mean you are falling apart.

It may mean your body is moving through a season that deserves attention, information, patience—and grace.

And I think we should talk about it more.

Not because menopause needs to become the subject of every conversation. 😂

But because women should not have to quietly wonder what is happening to them while sitting next to three other women who are secretly wondering the exact same thing.

There is wisdom in sharing what we have learned.

There is comfort in hearing, “I experienced that too.”

And there is freedom in realizing that growing older does not mean disappearing.

Maybe this is the new Men-o-Pause.

Not simply a time when our bodies force us to pause—

but a season when we intentionally do it.

Pause long enough to listen to our bodies.

Pause long enough to ask better questions.

Pause long enough to stop comparing ourselves to the woman we were at 30.

Pause long enough to appreciate the woman God has carried into this season.

She has lived.

She has learned.

She has survived things.

She has raised people, loved people, lost people, helped people, prayed for people, worked, served, started over, changed her mind, changed her hair, changed her priorities—and apparently changed her thermostat too. 😂

She deserves some grace.

And perhaps she deserves a fan.

A very good fan.

🌸 The MOMENT

Maybe your body has been doing something lately that made you stop and think:

What exactly is happening here?

Instead of beginning with criticism, begin with curiosity.

What have you noticed?

What questions do you want to ask?

What would it look like to care for the woman you are becoming instead of wishing you still felt exactly like the woman you used to be?

And perhaps call another woman “of a certain age.”

You may discover she has been sitting in church trying not to melt too. 😂

🙏 A Prayer for This Season

Father,

Thank You for being present in every season of our lives—even the ones nobody adequately explained to us.

Help us treat our changing bodies with patience instead of criticism and with wisdom instead of fear.

Give us the courage to ask questions, seek appropriate care, listen to what our bodies may be telling us, and extend grace to ourselves when we do not quite feel like ourselves.

Remind us that our worth has never been determined by our age, our weight, our energy level, our appearance, our fertility, or how comfortable we feel in our skin on any particular day.

Help us see ourselves through Your eyes.

And when the night sweats come, the moods swing, or our internal thermostat decides to do whatever it wants…

Lord, please send wisdom.

And maybe a ceiling fan.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen. 😂

🌸 Carry This With You

Your body may be changing, but your value is not.

You are still growing.

Still becoming.

Still beautiful.

Still useful.

Still deeply loved.

And God is still with you in this season.

❤️ Every MOMENT Matters.

— Monica Lynne Wilkins
MOMENT Moms™
MOMENTMoms.org