🌸 I Don't Want to Forgive Yet

Scripture

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” — Psalm 51:10 (KJV)

There are some prayers that are easier to pray than others.

“Lord, protect my family.”

“Give me wisdom.”

“Help me make the right decision.”

And then there are prayers that catch in my throat because I know what I am asking God to do will require something from me.

Forgiveness can be one of them.

There are hurts we can talk ourselves through fairly quickly. Someone says something thoughtless. Feelings are hurt. An apology comes. We pray about it, talk about it, and eventually we move forward.

But some things cut deeper.

Someone betrayed your trust.

Someone lied about you.

Someone you loved knew exactly where you were vulnerable and hurt you there anyway.

A family member caused a wound that has followed you for years.

A spouse broke something between you that an apology cannot immediately repair.

Someone hurt your child.

Someone never apologized at all.

And then we read the words of Jesus about forgiveness.

We know what Scripture says.

We know what we have been taught.

But somewhere inside, there may still be a very honest response:

Father, I don't want to forgive yet.

I think we sometimes become uncomfortable admitting that to God.

It sounds wrong.

Unspiritual.

Like something a Christian woman should have worked through already.

So we may say the words before our hearts have caught up with them.

“I forgive.”

But underneath those words there may still be anger.

Grief.

Questions.

A desire for the person who hurt us to understand what they did.

Sometimes even a desire for them to hurt a little too.

God already knows.

That is why I don't think healing begins by pretending with Him.

It begins with truth.

Father, this hurt me.

I am angry.

I don't understand why they did this.

Part of me is still waiting for an apology.

Part of me wants justice.

And if I am being completely truthful with You, I am not ready to let this go.

That is an uncomfortable prayer.

But it is an honest one.

And honesty with God gives Him something we often protect from everyone else:

access to the wound.

Forgiveness does not require us to call wrong things right.

It does not erase consequences.

It does not automatically restore trust.

It does not always mean reconciliation.

And it certainly does not require returning to a relationship that is unsafe.

Forgiveness and access are not the same thing.

You can forgive someone and still need boundaries.

You can forgive someone and recognize that the relationship has changed.

You can forgive someone without receiving the apology you deserved.

And sometimes forgiveness is not one dramatic moment when every painful feeling disappears.

Sometimes it begins much smaller.

“Father, I am willing for You to make me willing.”

I love that prayer because it doesn't pretend.

It doesn't ask me to manufacture feelings I do not have.

It simply opens the door.

A little.

Enough for God to begin working.

Because when I hold tightly to what someone did to me, eventually I am carrying more than the memory of what happened.

I may begin carrying the anger into other relationships.

The suspicion.

The defensiveness.

The expectation that someone else will hurt me too.

The wound begins asking people who did not cause it to pay for it.

And I don't want someone else's wrongdoing to keep deciding who I become.

That is where forgiveness begins to look different to me.

It isn't saying:

“What you did doesn't matter.”

It is saying:

“What you did will not have the final word over my heart.”

God will.

I may still remember.

I may still need boundaries.

There may still be consequences.

There may even be days when I have to bring the same hurt back to God because I discovered another piece of it I had not surrendered.

But I can keep bringing it.

Not because the person who hurt me has earned something from me.

Because I want God to have all of me—including the part that still hurts.

🌸 The MOMENT

Maybe you are not ready to pray:

“Father, I forgive them.”

Don't give God words you don't mean.

Start where you really are.

“Father, You know what happened. You know what it did to me. I don't want this hurt to keep living in me. I am not ready yet, but I am willing for You to make me willing.”

And then stay there with Him.

You don't have to force the next sentence.

God already knows it.

🙏 A Prayer When Forgiveness Is Hard

Father, You know what happened, and You know what it cost me. You know the parts I talk about and the parts I have never said aloud.

I confess that I do not want to forgive yet. Part of me is still angry. Part of me still wants answers. Part of me wants the person who hurt me to understand exactly what they did.

I don't want to pretend with You.

So I am bringing You my heart exactly as it is.

Please do in me what I cannot do for myself. Keep bitterness from taking root in places I cannot see. Give me wisdom about boundaries, courage where truth needs to be spoken, and restraint where silence is wiser.

I am not asking You to make what happened acceptable. I am asking You to keep what happened from changing me into someone You never intended me to become.

Father, I am willing for You to make me willing.

Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

🌸 Continue the Conversation

What has God taught you about forgiveness?

MOMENT: Forgiveness does not begin with pretending the hurt no longer matters. Sometimes it begins by letting God into the place where it still does.

Pause. Pray. Be honest. Let God begin there.

❤️ Every MOMENT Matters.

— Monica Lynne Wilkins
MOMENT Moms™
MOMENTMoms.org

🌸 The Prayer I’m Still Praying

“Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” — Psalm 27:14 (KJV)

There are prayers I have carried to God more than once.

Not because I believe He did not hear me the first time.

I return because He is my Father, and this is where I take the things that matter to me.

I have prayed for people I love. For direction. For doors to open. For situations to change. For things I cannot fix myself.

And sometimes the answer has not come when I hoped it would.

I am learning that there is a difference between waiting for an answer and waiting with God.

Waiting for an answer can keep my eyes fixed on what has not happened yet.

Waiting with God brings my attention back to Him.

That does not make the prayer less important. It does not mean I stop asking. It means I remember that my relationship with my Father is bigger than the answer I am waiting for.

I can trust Him without understanding His timing.

I can keep praying without allowing the prayer to become the only thing I think about.

I can leave room for God to answer differently than I imagined.

And I can continue receiving the life He has placed in front of me today.

There is still someone to love.

There is still someone who needs encouragement.

There is still laughter in my home.

There is still work worth doing.

There are still ordinary mornings, conversations around the table, phone calls, birthdays, sunsets, Sabbaths, friendships, and quiet moments with God.

These are not distractions from the waiting.

They are part of the life God is giving me while I wait.

Sometimes we can become so focused on what we are asking God to do next that we overlook what He may be doing now.

Perhaps He is strengthening something in us.

Perhaps He is protecting us from something we cannot see.

Perhaps circumstances are being arranged that we know nothing about.

Perhaps the answer will look different from the one we pictured.

And sometimes we simply do not know.

Faith does not require me to know.

It asks me to trust the One who does.

That is difficult for me because I like to know what comes next. I like a plan. I like to understand how the pieces fit together.

But God has not promised to show me every piece.

He has promised me Himself.

So I am learning to bring the prayer to Him and leave a little more of its weight there each time.

Father, this still matters to me.

I still desire an answer.

But I trust You with what I cannot see.

And then I can get up from prayer and tend to the life He has given me.

I can make breakfast.

I can encourage my child.

I can love my family.

I can do today’s work well.

I can call someone who needs to hear my voice.

I can laugh when something is funny.

I can make plans while remaining open to His plans.

I can notice His goodness without feeling as though I have forgotten the thing I am still praying about.

Because waiting on God was never meant to mean stepping away from life until He gives me what I asked for.

Waiting is part of walking with Him.

God’s silence does not mean His absence.

I do not know everything He is doing.

But I know Who I am waiting with.

🌸 The MOMENT

Is there a prayer that has begun to occupy so much of your heart that it is becoming difficult to see what God has placed around you today?

You do not have to stop praying it.

Bring it to your Father again.

And then ask Him:

“Father, while I wait, what would You have me notice today?”

Perhaps the answer for today is not an explanation.

Perhaps it is simply His presence.

🙏 A Prayer While I Wait

Father,

You know what I am waiting for. You know how many times I have brought it to You and how deeply it matters to me.

Teach me how to wait without becoming consumed by what has not happened yet.

Help me recognize Your goodness in the life You have given me today. Strengthen my heart when waiting becomes difficult. Keep me close enough to hear Your guidance and willing enough to follow it.

I trust that You see what I cannot see. I trust Your wisdom. I trust Your love for me.

And most of all, Father, I want to trust You—not only for the answer, but because You are my God.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

MOMENT: I may still be waiting for the answer, but I am not waiting alone.

Pause. Pray. Trust. Keep walking with Him.

❤️ Every MOMENT Matters.

When God Says Wait

This Week's Verse

"But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)

Today's Reflection

If I'm honest, waiting has never been one of my strengths.

I like to make plans, check things off my list, and see progress. Waiting can feel like standing still while everyone else is moving ahead.

But over the years, I've begun to realize something important: God's "wait" is not the same as God's "no."

Sometimes He asks us to wait because He's preparing us.

Sometimes He's preparing the opportunity.

Sometimes He's preparing the people we'll meet along the way.

And sometimes He's preparing our hearts to receive what we've been praying for.

There have been moments when I questioned why doors weren't opening as quickly as I had hoped. Looking back now, I can see that many of those delays became some of God's greatest blessings. If things had happened according to my timeline, I might have missed the lessons, relationships, and growth that only came through waiting.

As I prepare for a new season, I'm reminded that faith isn't just trusting God when the answer is "yes." Faith is also trusting Him when the answer is "not yet."

Waiting doesn't mean God has forgotten you.

It doesn't mean your prayers aren't being heard.

It doesn't mean your purpose has been put on hold.

Sometimes waiting is where God does His deepest work.

So if you're waiting today—for a new job, restored health, a relationship, direction, healing, or an answered prayer—don't lose heart.

Keep praying.

Keep growing.

Keep trusting.

The same God who gave you the promise is faithful to fulfill it in His perfect time.

The MOMENT Prayer

Heavenly Father,

Waiting isn't always easy, but I know Your timing is better than my own. Help me to trust You when I don't see immediate answers. Give me peace while I wait, wisdom while I prepare, and faith to believe that You are working even when I cannot see it.

Teach me to embrace each moment, knowing that You are shaping me for what lies ahead.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

This Week's Challenge

Is there an area of your life where you've been feeling impatient?

Instead of asking, "God, why is this taking so long?"

Try asking,

"Lord, what are You teaching me while I wait?"

You may discover that the waiting itself is part of the blessing.

MOMENTS I LEARNED

Waiting isn't wasted time.

It's often where faith grows, character is strengthened, and God quietly prepares us for what's next.

Before You Go...

If this Reflection encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who may be waiting on an answer from God today.

You never know how a few words of hope can make all the difference.

Until next week,

Monica Wilkins

Founder, The MOMENT

Pause. Pray. Reflect. Grow.

Standing in the Gap

Sometimes We Need Someone to Pray Over Us

Welcome, friend. I'm so glad you stopped by today. 💕

There's something powerful about knowing another woman has called your name before God. To have someone pray over your fears, your family, your health, your children, your marriage, your dreams—even the things you've been silently carrying.

God always hears our prayers. And in His love, He often encourages us through the prayers of others.

I've learned that I don't always need someone to have the right words or the perfect advice. Sometimes I just need someone to place a hand on my shoulder and simply say, “Let's pray.”

There have been seasons when I didn't even know what to pray for myself. In those moments, God faithfully used the prayers of another woman to strengthen my faith and remind me that I wasn't carrying the burden alone.

Today's Scripture

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
James 5:16 (NIV)

Sometimes standing in the gap doesn't require knowing exactly what to say. It simply means being willing to bring someone else's name, need, hurt, or hope before God when they may not have the strength to do it themselves.

And sometimes, we are the ones who need someone to stand in the gap for us.

🙏🏾 MOMENT Prayer

Lord, thank You for the people who have prayed for me when I needed it most. Today, place someone on my heart who needs prayer. Help me not simply to say, “I'll pray for you,” but to actually stop and pray. And when I am the one who needs help, remind me that I don't have to carry everything alone.

Amen.

💛 Today's MOMENT

Think of one person who may need someone standing in the gap for them today.

Don't just think about praying for them.

Call their name before God.

And if someone has stood in the gap for you, take a moment to thank God for them too.

With love,
Monica

Every Moment Matters.