🌸 I Don't Want to Forgive Yet

Scripture

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” — Psalm 51:10 (KJV)

There are some prayers that are easier to pray than others.

“Lord, protect my family.”

“Give me wisdom.”

“Help me make the right decision.”

And then there are prayers that catch in my throat because I know what I am asking God to do will require something from me.

Forgiveness can be one of them.

There are hurts we can talk ourselves through fairly quickly. Someone says something thoughtless. Feelings are hurt. An apology comes. We pray about it, talk about it, and eventually we move forward.

But some things cut deeper.

Someone betrayed your trust.

Someone lied about you.

Someone you loved knew exactly where you were vulnerable and hurt you there anyway.

A family member caused a wound that has followed you for years.

A spouse broke something between you that an apology cannot immediately repair.

Someone hurt your child.

Someone never apologized at all.

And then we read the words of Jesus about forgiveness.

We know what Scripture says.

We know what we have been taught.

But somewhere inside, there may still be a very honest response:

Father, I don't want to forgive yet.

I think we sometimes become uncomfortable admitting that to God.

It sounds wrong.

Unspiritual.

Like something a Christian woman should have worked through already.

So we may say the words before our hearts have caught up with them.

“I forgive.”

But underneath those words there may still be anger.

Grief.

Questions.

A desire for the person who hurt us to understand what they did.

Sometimes even a desire for them to hurt a little too.

God already knows.

That is why I don't think healing begins by pretending with Him.

It begins with truth.

Father, this hurt me.

I am angry.

I don't understand why they did this.

Part of me is still waiting for an apology.

Part of me wants justice.

And if I am being completely truthful with You, I am not ready to let this go.

That is an uncomfortable prayer.

But it is an honest one.

And honesty with God gives Him something we often protect from everyone else:

access to the wound.

Forgiveness does not require us to call wrong things right.

It does not erase consequences.

It does not automatically restore trust.

It does not always mean reconciliation.

And it certainly does not require returning to a relationship that is unsafe.

Forgiveness and access are not the same thing.

You can forgive someone and still need boundaries.

You can forgive someone and recognize that the relationship has changed.

You can forgive someone without receiving the apology you deserved.

And sometimes forgiveness is not one dramatic moment when every painful feeling disappears.

Sometimes it begins much smaller.

“Father, I am willing for You to make me willing.”

I love that prayer because it doesn't pretend.

It doesn't ask me to manufacture feelings I do not have.

It simply opens the door.

A little.

Enough for God to begin working.

Because when I hold tightly to what someone did to me, eventually I am carrying more than the memory of what happened.

I may begin carrying the anger into other relationships.

The suspicion.

The defensiveness.

The expectation that someone else will hurt me too.

The wound begins asking people who did not cause it to pay for it.

And I don't want someone else's wrongdoing to keep deciding who I become.

That is where forgiveness begins to look different to me.

It isn't saying:

“What you did doesn't matter.”

It is saying:

“What you did will not have the final word over my heart.”

God will.

I may still remember.

I may still need boundaries.

There may still be consequences.

There may even be days when I have to bring the same hurt back to God because I discovered another piece of it I had not surrendered.

But I can keep bringing it.

Not because the person who hurt me has earned something from me.

Because I want God to have all of me—including the part that still hurts.

🌸 The MOMENT

Maybe you are not ready to pray:

“Father, I forgive them.”

Don't give God words you don't mean.

Start where you really are.

“Father, You know what happened. You know what it did to me. I don't want this hurt to keep living in me. I am not ready yet, but I am willing for You to make me willing.”

And then stay there with Him.

You don't have to force the next sentence.

God already knows it.

🙏 A Prayer When Forgiveness Is Hard

Father, You know what happened, and You know what it cost me. You know the parts I talk about and the parts I have never said aloud.

I confess that I do not want to forgive yet. Part of me is still angry. Part of me still wants answers. Part of me wants the person who hurt me to understand exactly what they did.

I don't want to pretend with You.

So I am bringing You my heart exactly as it is.

Please do in me what I cannot do for myself. Keep bitterness from taking root in places I cannot see. Give me wisdom about boundaries, courage where truth needs to be spoken, and restraint where silence is wiser.

I am not asking You to make what happened acceptable. I am asking You to keep what happened from changing me into someone You never intended me to become.

Father, I am willing for You to make me willing.

Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

🌸 Continue the Conversation

What has God taught you about forgiveness?

MOMENT: Forgiveness does not begin with pretending the hurt no longer matters. Sometimes it begins by letting God into the place where it still does.

Pause. Pray. Be honest. Let God begin there.

❤️ Every MOMENT Matters.

— Monica Lynne Wilkins
MOMENT Moms™
MOMENTMoms.org

🌸 The Prayer I’m Still Praying

“Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.” — Psalm 27:14 (KJV)

There are prayers I have carried to God more than once.

Not because I believe He did not hear me the first time.

I return because He is my Father, and this is where I take the things that matter to me.

I have prayed for people I love. For direction. For doors to open. For situations to change. For things I cannot fix myself.

And sometimes the answer has not come when I hoped it would.

I am learning that there is a difference between waiting for an answer and waiting with God.

Waiting for an answer can keep my eyes fixed on what has not happened yet.

Waiting with God brings my attention back to Him.

That does not make the prayer less important. It does not mean I stop asking. It means I remember that my relationship with my Father is bigger than the answer I am waiting for.

I can trust Him without understanding His timing.

I can keep praying without allowing the prayer to become the only thing I think about.

I can leave room for God to answer differently than I imagined.

And I can continue receiving the life He has placed in front of me today.

There is still someone to love.

There is still someone who needs encouragement.

There is still laughter in my home.

There is still work worth doing.

There are still ordinary mornings, conversations around the table, phone calls, birthdays, sunsets, Sabbaths, friendships, and quiet moments with God.

These are not distractions from the waiting.

They are part of the life God is giving me while I wait.

Sometimes we can become so focused on what we are asking God to do next that we overlook what He may be doing now.

Perhaps He is strengthening something in us.

Perhaps He is protecting us from something we cannot see.

Perhaps circumstances are being arranged that we know nothing about.

Perhaps the answer will look different from the one we pictured.

And sometimes we simply do not know.

Faith does not require me to know.

It asks me to trust the One who does.

That is difficult for me because I like to know what comes next. I like a plan. I like to understand how the pieces fit together.

But God has not promised to show me every piece.

He has promised me Himself.

So I am learning to bring the prayer to Him and leave a little more of its weight there each time.

Father, this still matters to me.

I still desire an answer.

But I trust You with what I cannot see.

And then I can get up from prayer and tend to the life He has given me.

I can make breakfast.

I can encourage my child.

I can love my family.

I can do today’s work well.

I can call someone who needs to hear my voice.

I can laugh when something is funny.

I can make plans while remaining open to His plans.

I can notice His goodness without feeling as though I have forgotten the thing I am still praying about.

Because waiting on God was never meant to mean stepping away from life until He gives me what I asked for.

Waiting is part of walking with Him.

God’s silence does not mean His absence.

I do not know everything He is doing.

But I know Who I am waiting with.

🌸 The MOMENT

Is there a prayer that has begun to occupy so much of your heart that it is becoming difficult to see what God has placed around you today?

You do not have to stop praying it.

Bring it to your Father again.

And then ask Him:

“Father, while I wait, what would You have me notice today?”

Perhaps the answer for today is not an explanation.

Perhaps it is simply His presence.

🙏 A Prayer While I Wait

Father,

You know what I am waiting for. You know how many times I have brought it to You and how deeply it matters to me.

Teach me how to wait without becoming consumed by what has not happened yet.

Help me recognize Your goodness in the life You have given me today. Strengthen my heart when waiting becomes difficult. Keep me close enough to hear Your guidance and willing enough to follow it.

I trust that You see what I cannot see. I trust Your wisdom. I trust Your love for me.

And most of all, Father, I want to trust You—not only for the answer, but because You are my God.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

MOMENT: I may still be waiting for the answer, but I am not waiting alone.

Pause. Pray. Trust. Keep walking with Him.

❤️ Every MOMENT Matters.

🌸 When Prayers Seem Unanswered

The MOMENT

Have you ever prayed for something for so long that eventually you stopped knowing what else to say?

Maybe it was the job you were sure you needed.

The baby you prayed to conceive.

The marriage proposal that never came.

The house you did not qualify for.

The child you raised in church who no longer wants to go.

The spouse who does not share your faith.

The retirement you thought would have happened by now.

Or maybe it is something so personal that you rarely say it out loud anymore.

You prayed.

You believed.

You waited.

And what you hoped for still did not happen.

Those are the prayers that can be difficult to talk about because sometimes well-meaning Christians are quick to remind us that God answers prayer.

And He does.

But sometimes His answer looks so different from what we prayed for that, at first, it can feel like no answer at all.

📖 Scripture

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” — Ruth 1:16

Today’s Reflection

I think about Naomi.

She left Bethlehem with a husband and two sons.

Then she lost her husband.

She lost one son.

Then the other.

When Naomi returned home, she was grieving so deeply that she told the women not to call her Naomi anymore.

Call me Mara—bitter.

Naomi was not pretending everything was fine simply because she believed in God.

She was hurting.

And yet, walking beside her was Ruth.

Naomi could not have known then what God was going to do with the woman who refused to leave her.

Ruth would eventually marry Boaz.

They would have a son named Obed.

Obed would become the grandfather of David.

And generations later, from that family line, would come Jesus.

Naomi could not see any of that when she was walking home grieving what she had lost.

And that is what stays with me.

God did not give Naomi back the life she had before.

Her husband did not return.

Her sons did not return.

God's answer did not erase her loss.

Instead, He began building something new in a place Naomi probably thought held nothing but emptiness.

That makes me wonder about some of my own prayers.

How many times have I decided what God's answer should look like before I even finished praying?

Lord, give me this job.

Lord, fix this relationship.

Lord, change this person.

Lord, open this door.

Lord, please let it happen this way.

And sometimes the answer is yes.

Sometimes it is not yet.

Sometimes it is no.

And sometimes I wonder if God is saying:

“Monica, you are looking so intently at the door that did not open that you have not noticed where I am leading you instead.”

That does not mean every disappointment will eventually make sense to us.

Some things hurt.

Some losses remain losses.

Some questions may stay with us for a very long time.

Faith does not require us to call something good when it hurt us deeply.

But faith does allow us to believe that God is still present in the part of the story we do not understand.

Naomi thought she was returning home empty.

She had no idea what God was already carrying home beside her.

Maybe there is something in that for us too.

🙏🏾 MOMENT Prayer

Lord, You know the prayers I have prayed over and over again.

You know the ones I am still waiting on and the ones I quietly stopped praying because disappointment became too painful.

Help me trust You when Your answer does not look like mine.

Give me peace when the answer is yes, patience when it is not yet, and faith when the answer is no.

And when I cannot understand what You are doing, help me recognize that You are still with me.

Keep me from becoming so focused on what did not happen that I miss what You are doing now.

Amen.

🌸 This Week’s Challenge

Think about one prayer that seems unanswered.

Instead of asking God only for the outcome you want, try adding one more sentence to your prayer this week:

“Lord, help me recognize Your answer—even if it looks different from mine.”

Then leave a little room to notice.

Before You Go

Naomi thought she came home empty.

But Ruth was walking right beside her.

Sometimes what feels like an unanswered prayer may be a chapter whose ending we simply cannot see yet.

Do not stop looking for God in the middle of the story.

Pause. Pray. Reflect.

Every moment matters.

—Monica

When You Do Not Need Another Answer

An open Bible and journal beside a cup of coffee, reflecting a quiet moment to listen for God’s direction.

The MOMENT

I am a person who likes answers.

I like knowing what comes next. I like plans, calendars, lists, and knowing that something has been handled.

Maybe you can relate.

But lately, I have been reminded that there are moments when I do not need another answer. I need to become quiet enough to recognize the direction God has already been giving me.

Sometimes I pray about something and then immediately start trying to solve it myself.

What should I do? Who should I call? What is the next step? What am I missing?

And before long, my prayer has turned into another project for me to manage.

Perhaps the problem is not always that God has been silent.

Sometimes there is simply so much noise around us—and inside us—that we have trouble hearing Him.

Scripture

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’”
— Isaiah 30:21

Today’s Reflection

Listening to God does not mean that we will always receive an immediate answer.

Sometimes His direction comes through Scripture. Sometimes through wise counsel. Sometimes through a door that opens—or one that remains firmly closed.

And sometimes God asks us to wait.

That may be the hardest kind of listening.

I am learning that waiting does not mean God has forgotten about me. It does not mean nothing is happening. It may simply mean that I do not yet see what He is doing.

This lesson has followed me through motherhood, work, ministry, writing, and seasons when my own plans changed unexpectedly.

I still have questions.

I still make lists.

I still want to know what comes next.

But I am learning to leave a little more room between my question and my next move.

Room to pray.

Room to read God's Word.

Room to notice.

Room to listen.

Because sometimes the next step is not something I need to figure out.

Sometimes I simply need enough faith to recognize it when God shows me.

MOMENT Prayer

Father, there are so many voices competing for my attention, including my own. Help me recognize Yours. Give me wisdom when I need to move, patience when I need to wait, and faith when I cannot see what You are doing. Keep me close enough to You that when You say, “This is the way,” I am ready to follow. Amen.

This Week’s Challenge

Before making one decision this week, resist the urge to immediately solve it.

Pray about it first.

Read a passage of Scripture.

Give yourself a little time before responding.

Then ask:

God, is there something You want me to notice before I decide what to do?

Before You Go

You do not have to have every answer today.

You only need enough light for the step God is asking you to take next.

Pause. Pray. Reflect.

Every moment teaches us something. The question is: Are we paying attention?

— Monica Lynne Wilkins

Do I Recognize God's Voice?

Woman sitting quietly in prayer beside a sunlit window, reflecting on recognizing God’s voice amid the noise of everyday life

Pause. Pray. Listen.

Before you continue reading...

Pause for just a moment.

Ask God to quiet the noise around you and help you recognize His voice today.

📖 Scripture to Read This Week

1 Samuel 3

Psalm 23

John 10:27

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me."

—John 10:27

🙏 A MOMENT Prayer

Lord,

Quiet the distractions around me so I can recognize Your voice.

Help me become so familiar with You that following You becomes my natural response.

Amen.

🌿 MOMENT Reflection

This morning I was reading 1 Samuel 2 and 3, and one verse just stayed with me.

"In those days the word of the Lord was rare; there were not many visions."

—1 Samuel 3:1

I kept rereading this verse and asking myself...

Why was hearing from God so rare?

As you read these chapters, you can't help but notice what was happening around Eli. His sons were serving in the tabernacle, but they were living in ways that dishonored God. Eli knew what was going on, yet he failed to deal with it.

The people were still worshipping.

The sacrifices were still being offered.

But something was missing.

God's voice had become rare.

Then there's young Samuel.

Samuel was in the tabernacle.

He was serving faithfully.

Yet when God called his name...

he didn't recognize His voice.

That made me stop and think.

I wonder if sometimes we can become so familiar with doing church that we forget the most important part is knowing the God we're there to worship.

Sabbath is such a beautiful gift because it strengthens what we've hopefully been building all week long.

It's possible to know the praise songs...

the order of service...

the traditions...

and even the Scriptures...

yet still struggle to recognize when God is speaking to our hearts.

Recognizing God's voice doesn't begin when we walk through the church doors.

It begins in the quiet moments throughout the week—

when we open His Word...

when we spend time in prayer...

when we listen instead of rushing...

and when we invite Him into our everyday lives.

Then I thought about the next generation.

Whether we're raising children...

loving on grandchildren...

mentoring young people...

teaching a class...

serving in ministry...

or simply living as women of faith...

someone is watching how we follow Jesus.

Are we only teaching them how to attend church?

Or are we showing them what it looks like to have a real relationship with God?

Do they see us praying because we love talking with Him?

Do they see us reading His Word because we want to hear His voice?

Do they see us trying to obey Him—even when it's difficult?

As I continued reading and reflecting this week, my thoughts kept returning to Psalm 23.

"The Lord is my Shepherd."

Those simple words reminded me that our Shepherd is still leading His sheep today.

He still provides.

He still restores.

He still guides.

And just as sheep learn to recognize the voice of their shepherd by spending time with him, we learn to recognize God's voice by spending time with Him.

Maybe that's what God was reminding me through these passages.

He is still our Shepherd.

He is still speaking.

The question isn't whether God is speaking.

The question is...

Are we becoming so familiar with our Shepherd that we recognize His voice, trust where He's leading, and willingly follow Him?

As I continued reflecting on these passages, one thought kept coming back to me.

Maybe God's voice wasn't rare because God had stopped speaking.

Maybe it was rare because so few hearts were truly listening.

That thought challenged me.

God still speaks today—

through His Word...

through the Holy Spirit...

and through those quiet moments when we choose to be still before Him.

The question is...

Am I slowing down enough to listen?

Today I'm asking the Lord to help me—and all of us—

become women who know Him well enough to recognize His voice...

trust Him...

and obey Him when He speaks.

Because one day...

someone we love may recognize God's voice...

because they first saw what it looked like in us.

💛 Today's MOMENT Thought

Every moment we spend listening to God prepares us to recognize His voice when He calls.

Have a wonderful Sunday and an even better week.

My prayer is that each of us will make time this week to pause, listen, and allow God to speak to our hearts.

Until next time...

Pause. Pray. Reflect.

Every MOMENT matters. 💛

— Monica

The Waiting Isn't Wasted

There are seasons in life when it feels as though everything is on pause, but God is still at work.

Lately, I've been thinking about seasons of waiting.

Waiting for answers.

Waiting for feedback.

Waiting for clarity.

I've learned that waiting isn't just about time. It's about trust.

Over the past year, I've realized that waiting doesn't have to mean standing still.

Some of the most meaningful work God has done in my life hasn't happened after reaching a milestone. It's happened while I've been writing, learning, serving, spending time with family, building ministry, and simply trying to be faithful with what's already in front of me.

Looking back, I realize those weren't interruptions to God's plan. They were part of it.

Purpose isn't found only in the destination. It's found in how we choose to live while we're on the journey.

Every day we're becoming someone. The question is, who are we becoming while we wait?

I've come to believe that even when we can't see the full picture, God is still working. Sometimes He's opening doors we don't yet see. Other times, He's quietly preparing us for what comes next.

Sometimes the greatest MOMENT isn't when God changes our circumstances. It's when He changes us while we wait.

So if you're in a season of waiting, don't assume nothing is happening. Whether you're waiting for direction, healing, a breakthrough, an answer, or simply the next step, God is still at work.

Keep learning.

Keep preparing.

Keep serving.

Keep showing up.

Trust that even when you can't see what God is doing, He is still at work.

MOMENT Prayer

Lord, thank You for reminding me that waiting is never wasted when I place it in Your hands. Help me to trust You when I can't see the whole picture. Teach me to keep learning, serving, growing, and walking faithfully in the purpose You've already given me. Shape me into the person You are calling me to become while I wait. Help me to trust that Your timing is always better than my own. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Pause & Reflect

Before you move on with your day, take a MOMENT to ask yourself:

Who am I becoming while I wait?

Sit quietly for a moment.

Invite God into your thoughts.

Then ask Him to help you see this season not as time lost, but as time He is using to prepare you for what comes next.

Every moment matters.

Monica Wilkins