🌸 I Don't Want to Forgive Yet

Scripture

“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” — Psalm 51:10 (KJV)

There are some prayers that are easier to pray than others.

“Lord, protect my family.”

“Give me wisdom.”

“Help me make the right decision.”

And then there are prayers that catch in my throat because I know what I am asking God to do will require something from me.

Forgiveness can be one of them.

There are hurts we can talk ourselves through fairly quickly. Someone says something thoughtless. Feelings are hurt. An apology comes. We pray about it, talk about it, and eventually we move forward.

But some things cut deeper.

Someone betrayed your trust.

Someone lied about you.

Someone you loved knew exactly where you were vulnerable and hurt you there anyway.

A family member caused a wound that has followed you for years.

A spouse broke something between you that an apology cannot immediately repair.

Someone hurt your child.

Someone never apologized at all.

And then we read the words of Jesus about forgiveness.

We know what Scripture says.

We know what we have been taught.

But somewhere inside, there may still be a very honest response:

Father, I don't want to forgive yet.

I think we sometimes become uncomfortable admitting that to God.

It sounds wrong.

Unspiritual.

Like something a Christian woman should have worked through already.

So we may say the words before our hearts have caught up with them.

“I forgive.”

But underneath those words there may still be anger.

Grief.

Questions.

A desire for the person who hurt us to understand what they did.

Sometimes even a desire for them to hurt a little too.

God already knows.

That is why I don't think healing begins by pretending with Him.

It begins with truth.

Father, this hurt me.

I am angry.

I don't understand why they did this.

Part of me is still waiting for an apology.

Part of me wants justice.

And if I am being completely truthful with You, I am not ready to let this go.

That is an uncomfortable prayer.

But it is an honest one.

And honesty with God gives Him something we often protect from everyone else:

access to the wound.

Forgiveness does not require us to call wrong things right.

It does not erase consequences.

It does not automatically restore trust.

It does not always mean reconciliation.

And it certainly does not require returning to a relationship that is unsafe.

Forgiveness and access are not the same thing.

You can forgive someone and still need boundaries.

You can forgive someone and recognize that the relationship has changed.

You can forgive someone without receiving the apology you deserved.

And sometimes forgiveness is not one dramatic moment when every painful feeling disappears.

Sometimes it begins much smaller.

“Father, I am willing for You to make me willing.”

I love that prayer because it doesn't pretend.

It doesn't ask me to manufacture feelings I do not have.

It simply opens the door.

A little.

Enough for God to begin working.

Because when I hold tightly to what someone did to me, eventually I am carrying more than the memory of what happened.

I may begin carrying the anger into other relationships.

The suspicion.

The defensiveness.

The expectation that someone else will hurt me too.

The wound begins asking people who did not cause it to pay for it.

And I don't want someone else's wrongdoing to keep deciding who I become.

That is where forgiveness begins to look different to me.

It isn't saying:

“What you did doesn't matter.”

It is saying:

“What you did will not have the final word over my heart.”

God will.

I may still remember.

I may still need boundaries.

There may still be consequences.

There may even be days when I have to bring the same hurt back to God because I discovered another piece of it I had not surrendered.

But I can keep bringing it.

Not because the person who hurt me has earned something from me.

Because I want God to have all of me—including the part that still hurts.

🌸 The MOMENT

Maybe you are not ready to pray:

“Father, I forgive them.”

Don't give God words you don't mean.

Start where you really are.

“Father, You know what happened. You know what it did to me. I don't want this hurt to keep living in me. I am not ready yet, but I am willing for You to make me willing.”

And then stay there with Him.

You don't have to force the next sentence.

God already knows it.

🙏 A Prayer When Forgiveness Is Hard

Father, You know what happened, and You know what it cost me. You know the parts I talk about and the parts I have never said aloud.

I confess that I do not want to forgive yet. Part of me is still angry. Part of me still wants answers. Part of me wants the person who hurt me to understand exactly what they did.

I don't want to pretend with You.

So I am bringing You my heart exactly as it is.

Please do in me what I cannot do for myself. Keep bitterness from taking root in places I cannot see. Give me wisdom about boundaries, courage where truth needs to be spoken, and restraint where silence is wiser.

I am not asking You to make what happened acceptable. I am asking You to keep what happened from changing me into someone You never intended me to become.

Father, I am willing for You to make me willing.

Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

🌸 Continue the Conversation

What has God taught you about forgiveness?

MOMENT: Forgiveness does not begin with pretending the hurt no longer matters. Sometimes it begins by letting God into the place where it still does.

Pause. Pray. Be honest. Let God begin there.

❤️ Every MOMENT Matters.

— Monica Lynne Wilkins
MOMENT Moms™
MOMENTMoms.org

🌸 What Am I Still Holding?

Scripture

“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts.” — Psalm 139:23 (KJV)

There are prayers I can pray rather easily.

“Lord, protect my family.”

“Lord, guide me.”

“Lord, open the right doors.”

“Lord, bless the people I love.”

But there is another prayer that feels different.

Lord, show me what I have not surrendered to You.

That has been on my heart.

Not what someone else needs to change.
Not what I wish God would fix around me.

What am I still holding?

Because I can love God, pray, read His Word, serve, encourage other people—and still have places in my life where my hands are tightly closed.

Sometimes it is a person.

We say we have given our children to God, but we are still trying to control every decision, protect them from every consequence and write the ending of their story.

Sometimes it is a marriage or another family relationship. We have already decided what healing should look like, what the other person needs to do and how God needs to fix it.

Sometimes it is work. We ask God to lead while quietly hoping He leads us exactly where we have already decided we want to go.

And sometimes what we are holding is not something precious.

Sometimes it is something God has already been asking us to put down.

The eating habits we keep excusing.

The relationship we know does not honor Him.

The need to stay busy because being still makes us uncomfortable.

The conversation that becomes gossip, even though we called it concern.

The resentment we keep rehearsing.

The need to be right.

The need to be needed.

The need to control.

And perhaps that is why surrender can be so difficult.

We usually have a reason for holding on.

Fear.

Love.

Comfort.

Loneliness.

Habit.

Pride.

Uncertainty.

Sometimes we are afraid of what God might ask us to release. Sometimes we are afraid of what will happen once we no longer have our hands on it.

But surrender is not telling God something He does not already know.

It is opening our hands before the One who already knows what is in them.

I am learning that surrender is not one grand prayer we pray once and never have to revisit.

There are things I gave God yesterday that I reached for again this morning.

So perhaps today's prayer does not need to be complicated.

Father, show me my closed hands.

Show me where I am asking You to lead while still insisting on my own way.

Show me what I have renamed, justified or become comfortable carrying.

Show me the people and outcomes I am trying to control.

And give me enough trust in You to loosen my grip.

Not because I do not care.

Because I believe You care even more.

🌸 The MOMENT

Take a quiet minute today and ask yourself:

What am I still holding that I need to surrender to God?

Do not answer for your spouse.

Do not answer for your child.

Do not answer for the person whose choices have been frustrating you.

Answer for you.

Then take it to your Father exactly as it is.

You do not need polished words.

You may simply need an open hand.

🙏 Prayer

Father, I surrender to You what I have been trying to manage without You, what I have been afraid to release to You, and what I already know You have asked me to put down. Search my heart. Show me what I cannot see and what I have chosen not to see. Teach me to trust You with my children, my marriage, my relationships, my work, my habits, my desires, my future—and myself. I do not want to give You only the parts of my life that are easy to surrender. I want You to have all of me. Help me open my hands. In Jesus' name, Amen.

MOMENT: Surrender is not caring less. It is trusting God more.

Pause. Pray. Open your hands. Trust.

❤️ Every MOMENT Matters.

— Monica Lynne Wilkins
MOMENT Moms™
MOMENTMoms.org

🌸Start Where You Are

📖 Scripture

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18

🌸 MOMENT Reflection

Start Where You Are

Sometimes life changes before we are ready for it.

Someone we love dies. A relationship changes. A job ends. A child grows up and needs us differently. Our health, responsibilities, family, finances or plans take a turn we did not expect.

And suddenly, here we are.

That is when the words “begin again” can start to feel different.

They sound hopeful. And they can be.

But telling someone to begin again can feel like a lot when they are still trying to understand what just happened.

A woman who has lost her husband may not be thinking about her “next chapter.” She may be wondering how she is supposed to walk into the house without him.

Someone grieving a parent may be discovering that it does not matter how old you are—you can still feel the absence of being someone's child.

A caregiver whose life has revolved around someone else's needs may not even know what she needs anymore.

And sometimes there has been no major tragedy at all. You just know something has changed.

So maybe beginning again does not always start with a plan.

Maybe it starts with telling the truth about where you are.

God, I am tired.

God, I miss them.

God, I thought my life would look different.

God, I do not know what to do next.

God, I am grateful...and I am still hurting.

Those prayers count too.

Psalm 34:18 does not say God is near only after the brokenhearted have recovered. It says He is near to the brokenhearted.

Right there.

In the middle of it.

I think sometimes we put pressure on ourselves to turn difficult experiences into lessons too quickly. We start looking for the testimony before we have even had time to acknowledge the pain.

But God does not need us to rush.

There are seasons when faith looks like moving forward.

And there are seasons when faith looks like getting out of bed, doing what needs to be done, whispering a prayer and trusting God with the rest of the day.

That is still faith.

Maybe you are standing at the beginning of something you did not choose.

You do not have to erase what came before.

You do not have to know where this is going.

And you certainly do not have to pretend that you are ready when you are not.

Start where you are.

Because you are not starting from nothing.

You are starting from here.

And God is here too.

Take a MOMENT

Before you think about what comes next, ask yourself:

Where am I—really—right now?

What has changed?

What am I carrying?

What do I miss?

What am I afraid to say out loud?

And what do I need from God today—not next month, not next year, but today?

A Prayer

Lord,

You know exactly where I am.

You know what has changed, what I am carrying, what I miss and what I still do not understand.

Help me not to rush myself just because the world keeps moving.

Meet me here.

Give me what I need for today, and when it is time to take another step, help me take it with You.

Amen.

MOMENT: You do not have to be ready for a new beginning to begin.
You are not starting from nothing. You are starting from here.

Pause. Pray. Be honest. Begin.

❤️ Every MOMENT Matters.

— Monica Lynne Wilkins
MOMENT Moms™
MOMENTMoms.org

🌸 When Prayers Seem Unanswered

The MOMENT

Have you ever prayed for something for so long that eventually you stopped knowing what else to say?

Maybe it was the job you were sure you needed.

The baby you prayed to conceive.

The marriage proposal that never came.

The house you did not qualify for.

The child you raised in church who no longer wants to go.

The spouse who does not share your faith.

The retirement you thought would have happened by now.

Or maybe it is something so personal that you rarely say it out loud anymore.

You prayed.

You believed.

You waited.

And what you hoped for still did not happen.

Those are the prayers that can be difficult to talk about because sometimes well-meaning Christians are quick to remind us that God answers prayer.

And He does.

But sometimes His answer looks so different from what we prayed for that, at first, it can feel like no answer at all.

📖 Scripture

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” — Ruth 1:16

Today’s Reflection

I think about Naomi.

She left Bethlehem with a husband and two sons.

Then she lost her husband.

She lost one son.

Then the other.

When Naomi returned home, she was grieving so deeply that she told the women not to call her Naomi anymore.

Call me Mara—bitter.

Naomi was not pretending everything was fine simply because she believed in God.

She was hurting.

And yet, walking beside her was Ruth.

Naomi could not have known then what God was going to do with the woman who refused to leave her.

Ruth would eventually marry Boaz.

They would have a son named Obed.

Obed would become the grandfather of David.

And generations later, from that family line, would come Jesus.

Naomi could not see any of that when she was walking home grieving what she had lost.

And that is what stays with me.

God did not give Naomi back the life she had before.

Her husband did not return.

Her sons did not return.

God's answer did not erase her loss.

Instead, He began building something new in a place Naomi probably thought held nothing but emptiness.

That makes me wonder about some of my own prayers.

How many times have I decided what God's answer should look like before I even finished praying?

Lord, give me this job.

Lord, fix this relationship.

Lord, change this person.

Lord, open this door.

Lord, please let it happen this way.

And sometimes the answer is yes.

Sometimes it is not yet.

Sometimes it is no.

And sometimes I wonder if God is saying:

“Monica, you are looking so intently at the door that did not open that you have not noticed where I am leading you instead.”

That does not mean every disappointment will eventually make sense to us.

Some things hurt.

Some losses remain losses.

Some questions may stay with us for a very long time.

Faith does not require us to call something good when it hurt us deeply.

But faith does allow us to believe that God is still present in the part of the story we do not understand.

Naomi thought she was returning home empty.

She had no idea what God was already carrying home beside her.

Maybe there is something in that for us too.

🙏🏾 MOMENT Prayer

Lord, You know the prayers I have prayed over and over again.

You know the ones I am still waiting on and the ones I quietly stopped praying because disappointment became too painful.

Help me trust You when Your answer does not look like mine.

Give me peace when the answer is yes, patience when it is not yet, and faith when the answer is no.

And when I cannot understand what You are doing, help me recognize that You are still with me.

Keep me from becoming so focused on what did not happen that I miss what You are doing now.

Amen.

🌸 This Week’s Challenge

Think about one prayer that seems unanswered.

Instead of asking God only for the outcome you want, try adding one more sentence to your prayer this week:

“Lord, help me recognize Your answer—even if it looks different from mine.”

Then leave a little room to notice.

Before You Go

Naomi thought she came home empty.

But Ruth was walking right beside her.

Sometimes what feels like an unanswered prayer may be a chapter whose ending we simply cannot see yet.

Do not stop looking for God in the middle of the story.

Pause. Pray. Reflect.

Every moment matters.

—Monica

When You Do Not Need Another Answer

An open Bible and journal beside a cup of coffee, reflecting a quiet moment to listen for God’s direction.

The MOMENT

I am a person who likes answers.

I like knowing what comes next. I like plans, calendars, lists, and knowing that something has been handled.

Maybe you can relate.

But lately, I have been reminded that there are moments when I do not need another answer. I need to become quiet enough to recognize the direction God has already been giving me.

Sometimes I pray about something and then immediately start trying to solve it myself.

What should I do? Who should I call? What is the next step? What am I missing?

And before long, my prayer has turned into another project for me to manage.

Perhaps the problem is not always that God has been silent.

Sometimes there is simply so much noise around us—and inside us—that we have trouble hearing Him.

Scripture

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’”
— Isaiah 30:21

Today’s Reflection

Listening to God does not mean that we will always receive an immediate answer.

Sometimes His direction comes through Scripture. Sometimes through wise counsel. Sometimes through a door that opens—or one that remains firmly closed.

And sometimes God asks us to wait.

That may be the hardest kind of listening.

I am learning that waiting does not mean God has forgotten about me. It does not mean nothing is happening. It may simply mean that I do not yet see what He is doing.

This lesson has followed me through motherhood, work, ministry, writing, and seasons when my own plans changed unexpectedly.

I still have questions.

I still make lists.

I still want to know what comes next.

But I am learning to leave a little more room between my question and my next move.

Room to pray.

Room to read God's Word.

Room to notice.

Room to listen.

Because sometimes the next step is not something I need to figure out.

Sometimes I simply need enough faith to recognize it when God shows me.

MOMENT Prayer

Father, there are so many voices competing for my attention, including my own. Help me recognize Yours. Give me wisdom when I need to move, patience when I need to wait, and faith when I cannot see what You are doing. Keep me close enough to You that when You say, “This is the way,” I am ready to follow. Amen.

This Week’s Challenge

Before making one decision this week, resist the urge to immediately solve it.

Pray about it first.

Read a passage of Scripture.

Give yourself a little time before responding.

Then ask:

God, is there something You want me to notice before I decide what to do?

Before You Go

You do not have to have every answer today.

You only need enough light for the step God is asking you to take next.

Pause. Pray. Reflect.

Every moment teaches us something. The question is: Are we paying attention?

— Monica Lynne Wilkins

The Grace to Begin Again

Woman standing at a fork in a wooded path beside signs reading “Stay the Same” and “Choose Growth,” illustrating the choice to course correct and grow.

This morning I heard a simple statement that stayed with me:

“You are not limited to the first version of yourself that shows up. You can course correct.”
— Coach Val

I kept thinking about those words because, honestly, some days I need the reminder.

Some mornings we wake up already carrying yesterday’s burdens.

Some days we respond out of frustration.

Sometimes we speak before we pray.

Sometimes we assume instead of listening.

Sometimes we simply get it wrong.

But one difficult moment does not have to define the rest of the day.

God has never waited for perfection before inviting us to walk with Him.

One of the beautiful gifts of God’s grace is that we do not have to stay where we started.

We can stop.

We can apologize.

We can forgive.

We can listen again.

We can choose humility over pride.

We can replace fear with faith.

We can choose kindness over criticism.

We can pause...and begin again.

I think sometimes we imagine that changing direction means we have failed. But what if recognizing that we need to change direction is actually evidence that we are growing?

Maybe the first response was not our best response.

Maybe the plan we were so sure about is no longer the right plan.

Maybe we need to have the conversation differently.

Maybe we need to admit, I was wrong.

Maybe God is showing us something we could not see before.

There is grace for that.

That is part of what repentance is—not simply feeling sorry about where we have been, but being willing to turn when God shows us another way.

And I love that God allows us to do that.

He does not say, Well, you already started down that road, so I guess you have to keep going.

He invites us to turn.

To listen.

To learn.

To grow.

To begin again.

Every day gives us opportunities to course correct. And sometimes the smallest change in direction can eventually take us somewhere very different.

📖 This Week’s Scripture

“Search me, O God, and know my heart... See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalm 139:23–24

I especially love the last part of that prayer:

Lead me.

Not simply show me where I was wrong.

Lead me somewhere better.

Today’s MOMENT

Think about one area of your life where something has not felt quite right lately.

A relationship.

A habit.

An attitude.

A decision.

A direction you have been heading.

Ask yourself:

Do I need to keep pushing forward—or is God giving me permission to course correct?

You do not have to figure everything out today.

Just be willing to listen.

🙏 MOMENT Prayer

Father,

Thank You for the grace to begin again.

Thank You that Your mercies are new every morning and that You do not give up on me when I fall short.

Search my heart. Show me where I need to grow, and give me the humility to receive correction without shame or defensiveness.

When I need to apologize, help me apologize.

When I need to listen, help me listen.

When I need to let something go, give me the courage to release it.

And when You show me that I am headed in the wrong direction, give me enough faith to turn around.

Keep shaping me into the woman You created me to be.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

🌿 This Week’s MOMENT Challenge

The next time you catch yourself reacting in a way that does not reflect Christ, do not allow one moment to become the whole day.

Pause.

Invite God into that moment.

Then make one small course correction.

It might be an apology.

A conversation.

A prayer.

A changed attitude.

A decision to listen instead of defend yourself.

Or simply choosing grace instead of judgment.

Do not underestimate the power of a small change in direction.

💛 Before You Go...

You are not required to keep becoming a version of yourself that God is asking you to outgrow.

There is no shame in saying:

I know better now.

I see it differently now.

I need to change this.

I need to begin again.

That is not failure.

Sometimes, that is growth.

And thank God for the grace that allows us to grow.

Pause. Pray. Reflect. Grow.

Every moment matters—even the ones that change our direction.

— Monica Lynne Wilkins
Founder, MOMENT Moms

🌿When I Thought I Was Falling Behind

This Week's Scripture

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."
Psalm 37:23-24 (NLT)

A few days ago, I heard John Maxwell speak at the SURGE Conference about learning to get a return on failure.

His message stayed with me, but not because it was about leadership.

It stayed with me because it made me think about my own life.

There have been seasons when I quietly wondered if I had fallen behind.

Not because I wasn't trying.

Because things simply weren't happening the way I had prayed they would.

There were opportunities I thought were meant for me that never came.

Plans that changed.

Doors that closed.

Prayers that seemed to linger without an answer.

For a long time, I looked at those moments as interruptions.

Now I see them differently.

They weren't interruptions.

They were invitations.

Invitations to trust God when I couldn't see where He was leading.

Invitations to grow in ways I never would have chosen for myself.

Invitations to discover that my identity was never tied to a job title, a promotion, or even my own timeline.

One of the reasons I created THE MOMENT is because I needed that reminder myself.

To stop.

To breathe.

To notice where God was already working before I rushed ahead trying to fix everything.

I've learned that some of God's greatest work happens while we're waiting for the next door to open.

Sometimes He isn't changing our circumstances.

He's changing us.

Looking back, I wouldn't choose every difficult season again.

But I also wouldn't trade who I've become because of them.

Perhaps that's what it means to fail forward.

Not that we enjoy disappointment.

Not that failure suddenly feels good.

But that we allow God to use every experience to move us closer to the person He created us to be.

💛 Today's MOMENT

Is there a season in your life that you've labeled a failure?

Take a fresh look.

Ask God to show you not only what you've lost, but also what you've gained.

You may discover that while one door was closing, God was quietly preparing another.

🙏 MOMENT Prayer

Father,

Thank You for never letting our setbacks be the end of our story. When life doesn't unfold the way we expected, help us remember that You are still directing our steps. Give us eyes to see Your hand in every season, courage to trust You when the path feels uncertain, and faith to believe that You are using every experience to shape us into who You've called us to be.

Teach us to pause long enough to recognize that You never waste a moment.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.

🌿 Live the MOMENT This Week

Write down one disappointment you've carried for a while.

Then answer this question:

"How has God used this experience to help me become the woman I am today?"

You may be surprised by your own answer.

Pause. Pray. Reflect. Live It.

Because every moment—even the difficult ones—matters.

Monica Wilkins

The Waiting Isn't Wasted

There are seasons in life when it feels as though everything is on pause, but God is still at work.

Lately, I've been thinking about seasons of waiting.

Waiting for answers.

Waiting for feedback.

Waiting for clarity.

I've learned that waiting isn't just about time. It's about trust.

Over the past year, I've realized that waiting doesn't have to mean standing still.

Some of the most meaningful work God has done in my life hasn't happened after reaching a milestone. It's happened while I've been writing, learning, serving, spending time with family, building ministry, and simply trying to be faithful with what's already in front of me.

Looking back, I realize those weren't interruptions to God's plan. They were part of it.

Purpose isn't found only in the destination. It's found in how we choose to live while we're on the journey.

Every day we're becoming someone. The question is, who are we becoming while we wait?

I've come to believe that even when we can't see the full picture, God is still working. Sometimes He's opening doors we don't yet see. Other times, He's quietly preparing us for what comes next.

Sometimes the greatest MOMENT isn't when God changes our circumstances. It's when He changes us while we wait.

So if you're in a season of waiting, don't assume nothing is happening. Whether you're waiting for direction, healing, a breakthrough, an answer, or simply the next step, God is still at work.

Keep learning.

Keep preparing.

Keep serving.

Keep showing up.

Trust that even when you can't see what God is doing, He is still at work.

MOMENT Prayer

Lord, thank You for reminding me that waiting is never wasted when I place it in Your hands. Help me to trust You when I can't see the whole picture. Teach me to keep learning, serving, growing, and walking faithfully in the purpose You've already given me. Shape me into the person You are calling me to become while I wait. Help me to trust that Your timing is always better than my own. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Pause & Reflect

Before you move on with your day, take a MOMENT to ask yourself:

Who am I becoming while I wait?

Sit quietly for a moment.

Invite God into your thoughts.

Then ask Him to help you see this season not as time lost, but as time He is using to prepare you for what comes next.

Every moment matters.

Monica Wilkins